A few months ago we planted some new trees, four golden aspen and a willow tree, unfortunately last week I noticed that the bark around the base of each of them had been nibbled by rabbits! We had put up rails and stock wire around them to stop the ponies getting to them, but I had forgotten the tree guards.
Before I go any further I am going to share a decision that I made this morning, that is I am going to write as I think, in a bit of a backwards and forwards fashion. You know, when you’re trying to make sense of something and you are pondering about it and different thoughts come in? Well if I try to write like an experienced writer I will be here all day, lose my thread and the feel of where I want to get with it….and my daughter Grace isn’t at home to edit for me, so here goes. (Grace, I still need a hand sometimes though x)
So last week I put up tree guards (as well as having the wire fencing) but have been feeling a sense of sorrow and guilt for letting the trees down. Every other day I wander over to them and ask the universe for a blessing that they are given the strength to grow strong. I stroke their branches, conveying my heart felt intention and hope through touch. These winter sunrises shine bright light on us as I go through this little ritual and I welcome the sun light as love and healing from the universe being channeled through my caring stroke.
Earlier this morning I had risen whilst it was dark to read another few chapters of my current book of interest. At the moment this happens to be Coyote Medicine by Lewis Mehl-Madrona. Coyote is said to be mischievous and powerful, and encourages people to test boundaries, to challenge and be true to oneself, even if that means rocking the boat al little. By no coincidence my supervision session this week brought up the theme of a person following their Soul rather than their personality, to bring richer life fulfillment. So after daybreak I go to feed the ponies and check them. I was going off across the girls’ paddock to get their hay and calling Cookie to join Pixie. Cookie was walking slowly and I watched her carefully to check if she was ok or lame. No concerns there, and I wandered up to where I had left Summer eating from her bucket. It was a few moments walk on my own and I realised how much I was enjoying the fact that I was doing exactly all that I wanted to do, I was totally in charge of my decisions and feeling complete. I was looking at Summer who had started to amble towards me, then I looked over at the boys and saw Tonto watching us. I realised that whilst in this current time I had got to a stage where I could make my own decisions, but had a strong sense of looking back on my younger Self and connected with her. Younger me who would wait for direction, as to think, feel and act. I felt a sense of how that ‘old way’ has travelled with me over the years, stepping into some present moments, with me seeking direction from another. I shuddered as I brought myself back into the present moment and I had reached Summer. We met and I did the usual thing of tickling her behind the ear and saying good morning. She sighed out and then stretched her legs and started to pee. I wanted to pee too! I felt her take away that old memory tension of waiting for someone to tell me how to be. I thanked her and smiled with gratitude. I knew in my heart that the way forward for me was to follow my soul more and put up a boundary from the past habits. A conscious effort to stay on track. The boundary, the barrier, the….and as I walked over to my trees with their Rabbit Proof Fence, thoughts, memories, words crossing over in my head and my heart, I was reminded of the film and pictured the Aboriginal women tapping their sticks on the ground for their children to be guided home along the fence line. This is one of the most moving films to watch, I always sink into the depth of it with quiet respect and reverence. Tears have often moved whilst watching it and I am reminded of this powerful trust of faith in the spiritual connection, from the movie, now playing in my mind’s eye, as I walk to the trees. I walk to my trees and stroke the dangly branches of the willow, asking the universe to heal this tree, whilst I picture the tree healthy, like the one in the other paddock. I stop for a while and contemplate the trees’ rabbit proof fence here, and what was going on, linking me to the film, and it came to me that I can watch a film 10 times and take 10 different ‘observations’ from it, so to stop thinking and just accept what I was feeling in this moment of now. Freedom and a spiritual connection that seemed to help me stand as tall as I am.
I looked around, a pigeon was sat very still nearby. four blackbirds were quite brave scurrying around for food, and I crow jiggled around behind the pigeon.
“Hello Crow! Are you my coyote today?” I asked with a grin. “Are you challenging me or just cheeky?”
The doves were now flying all around us and I chatted with them too using my own soft dove language. I thanked them for listening and carrying my loving intentions in the breeze, to the directions that they needed to go in. I have released the guilt of not protecting the trees earlier, as this is not an energy that I want to hold on to. I welcome new teachers and guides in my life and put trust in the fact that some lessons are learnt through challenge and loss but to be able to see the gain will be growth too.
I have put a respectful ‘extra’ tree guard in place for myself. Honouring younger me with love. I make sense.